250+ New Year Jokes to Start the Year Laughing 🎉😂

Start the year with smiles, giggles, and lots of good vibes with 250+ New Year jokes made to keep the laughter going 🎉😂. From funny New Year one-liners to clean jokes for all ages, there’s something for everyone. These jokes are perfect for parties, family gatherings, or sharing with friends online.

Whether you love dad jokes, short New Year jokes, or clever holiday humor, this collection has you covered. Laugh at resolutions, countdown fails, and fresh-start moments we all relate to. Get ready to welcome the New Year with happiness, humor, and nonstop laughs!

New Years jokes 2026

Why did 2026 go to therapy? It had too many issues to resolve!
What’s 2026’s favorite exercise? The calendar crunch!
Why is 2026 so confident? It’s got a whole year ahead of it!
What did 2026 say to 2025? Your time is up!
Why did everyone trust 2026? It had good dates!
What’s 2026’s resolution? To be better than 2025!
Why was 2026 excited? It finally got its turn!
What did 2026 bring to the party? Fresh starts!
Why is 2026 like a new book? Unwritten chapters!
What’s 2026’s motto? New year, new me, again!
Why did 2026 feel nervous? Big shoes to fill!
What makes 2026 special? It’s not 2025!
Why is 2026 optimistic? Clean slate energy!
What did 2026 promise? Better days ahead!
Why did people cheer for 2026? Hope springs eternal!

Short New Years Jokes

I’m only drinking on two occasions this year: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not!
My resolution is 1080p!
New year, same me, different calendar!
I resolved to be more decisive, maybe!
Last year I resolved to lose weight. I still have 12 pounds to go!
New year’s diet: I only eat on days ending in Y!
My gym membership expires in January, just like my motivation!
Cheers to staying up past 9 PM!
Resolution: stop procrastinating. Starting tomorrow!
New year, who dis?
I’ll change next year, I promise!
January is just December’s hangover!
Diet starts Monday. Every Monday!
New year, old habits!
My only resolution is to break my resolutions!

Best New Years Jokes, Puns, and One-Liners

What’s a New Year’s resolution? A to-do list for the first week of January!
Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up for New Year’s. Middle age is when you’re forced to!
My wife still hasn’t told me what my New Year’s resolutions are!
I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person!
New Year’s Eve is the only night when you can wear a funny hat and nobody questions your judgment!
The only thing getting lit this New Year is my scented candle!
New Year’s Day: when we exchange one year of bad decisions for a whole new set!
I’m giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, that came out wrong. I’m giving up. Drinking for a month!
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s? The ice falls out of your drink!
My New Year’s resolution is to be more awake and less asleep when I’m not sleeping!
Champagne: because no good story started with someone eating a salad!
New Year’s calories don’t count. They’re still confused about which year they’re in!
Last night I told myself, “This is the last year I’m going to be fat.” I’m good until December 31st!
January is my favorite month because I don’t have to change my password!
I was going to quit my bad habits for the New Year, but then I remembered nobody likes a quitter!

Short and Hilarious New Years Really Funny Jokes

My resolution was to read more, so I turned on subtitles!
I’m not aging, I’m increasing in value like wine!
New year, new me. Just kidding, I’m still broke!
I told my computer it was New Year’s. Now it has a virus!
What’s the best part about 2026? No more 2025 jokes!
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
My bank account is like an onion. Every time I look at it, I cry!
I resolved to eat better. Pizza is a vegetable, right?
Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost all its contacts on New Year’s!
I stayed up until midnight to see if I’d change. Spoiler: I didn’t!
My resolution was to be less sarcastic. Yeah, that’ll happen!
I’m giving up chocolate. Sorry, I meant giving UP chocolate!
New year, new mistakes to make!
I’m not lazy, I’m energy efficient!
This year I’m going to make a change. Starting with my underwear!
My fitness resolution lasted as long as my phone battery!
I’m going to learn from my mistakes. I’ll need to make more first!
New Year’s resolution: stop lying. I’m great at keeping promises!
My diet plan: make all my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look!
I resolved to stop talking to myself, but we’re just not ready for that!

Funny and Corny New Years Jokes

What does the New Year have in abundance? Dates!
Why do birds fly south for New Year’s? It’s faster than walking!
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve!
Where can you practice math on New Year’s? Times Square!
What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve? I haven’t seen you since last year!
What’s corn’s favorite holiday? New Ear’s!
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory? He took a day off!
What’s a ghost’s favorite New Year’s game? Hide and shriek!
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s? To ring in the new year!
What do snowmen eat on New Year’s? Frosted flakes!
What’s a New Year’s resolution for a basketball player? To make more court dates!
Why was the broom late on New Year’s? It over-swept!
What do cheerleaders drink on New Year’s? Root beer!
What’s a vampire’s New Year’s resolution? To stop coffin!
Why do monsters love New Year’s? They can have a howling good time!
What do cats sing on New Year’s? Auld Lang Syne… in meow-jor!
Why did the calendar go to the doctor? It had too many dates!
What’s a skeleton’s New Year’s resolution? To gain some body!
Why don’t oysters share on New Year’s? They’re shellfish!
What did January say to February? See you next month!
Why was everyone tired on January 1st? They just finished a 31-day March!
What’s a dentist’s New Year’s resolution? To fight tooth and nail!
Why did the teddy bear skip New Year’s dessert? It was stuffed!
What’s a tree’s New Year’s resolution? To turn over a new leaf!
Why do fish avoid New Year’s parties? They don’t want to get caught up in the net-working!

Punny New Years jokes

I’m so excited for the new year, I could burst into tiers!
This year I’m going to make a resolution I can actually keep. Maybe next year!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana on New Year’s!
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity for New Year’s. I can’t put it down!
New Year’s Eve is snow joke when it’s cold outside!
I tried to catch some fog on New Year’s but I mist!
The past, present, and future walked into a bar on New Year’s. It was tense!
I’m on a seafood diet this New Year. I see food and I eat it!
New Year’s resolution: to be more pun-ctual!
I told a chemistry joke on New Year’s but got no reaction!
Time to turn over a new leaf. I’m really branching out!
This year I’m going to be more positive. I’m certain, maybe!
New Year’s is snow much fun!
I’m egg-cited for the new year!
Let’s taco bout my New Year’s plans!
Orange you glad it’s a new year?

New Year’s knock knock jokes

Knock knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, it’s almost midnight!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place to celebrate New Year’s?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas and Happy New Year!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Ice. Ice who? Ice to see you this New Year!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the last time I’m staying up this late!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for the countdown!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger… wait, wrong holiday!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Howie. Howie who? Howie going to stay awake until midnight?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Annie. Annie who? Annie body got champagne?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Ben. Ben who? Ben waiting all year for this!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the New Year celebrations!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at the time, it’s midnight!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Sara. Sara who? Sara reason you’re still up?
Knock knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al be home by midnight!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Dozen. Dozen who? Dozen anybody want to party?

New Year’s Jokes For Adults

My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask about my New Year’s resolutions!
I’m not drunk, I’m just chemically off-balanced for the New Year!
New Year’s is just an excuse to drink champagne for breakfast!
My therapist says I need to let go of the past. But how else will I justify my current mess?
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure about my resolutions!
New Year’s Eve: the one night where going out in public in pajamas is almost acceptable!
I’m not saying I’m old, but my New Year’s resolution is to remember where I put my glasses!
The only thing I’m committing to this year is another bottle of wine!
My resolution is to be more assertive, if that’s okay with everyone!
New Year’s Eve proves that amateurs shouldn’t be allowed out after 10 PM!
I’m too old to party like it’s 1999, but I can nap like it’s 1999!
My New Year’s resolution is to stop pretending I’ll go to the gym!
The best part of New Year’s is taking down all the decorations you were too lazy to remove!
I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a limited edition!
New Year’s calories are practice calories, they don’t count!
My credit card company sent me a Happy New Year message. The irony!

Dirty New Years Jokes

My New Year’s resolution is to have more bedroom adventures. I’m finally organizing that closet!
What’s the difference between New Year’s and regular nights? On New Year’s, the ball drops publicly!
I told my partner we should make noise at midnight. They thought I meant fireworks!
New Year’s is the only time being a little too excited at midnight is celebrated!
My resolution is to work on my flexibility. Yoga starts next week!
Why do couples love New Year’s? Everyone expects you to get lucky at midnight!
I’m ringing in the New Year the old fashioned way. In bed by 9:30!
New Year’s resolution: more morning workouts. Does hitting snooze count as reps?
They say kiss someone at midnight for good luck. I’m still looking for volunteers!
What happens at the New Year’s party stays at the New Year’s party. Mostly because no one remembers!
My partner asked what I wanted for New Year’s. I said surprise me, but not THAT kind of surprise!
New Year’s Eve: when staying up past midnight feels like an achievement in endurance!
I resolved to spice things up this year. I bought paprika!
Why is New Year’s like a first date? Everyone’s trying too hard and making promises they won’t keep!
My midnight kiss lasted three seconds. My hangover lasted three days!
New Year’s resolution: more intimacy. I’m finally going to read my diary!
What’s long and hard on New Year’s? Staying awake until midnight!

New Years Jokes For Kids

Why did the cookie go to the New Year’s party? Because it was one smart cookie!
What does a caterpillar do on New Year’s? Turn over a new leaf!
Why do elephants never forget New Year’s? Because they have big memories!
What do you call a snowman on New Year’s Day? A puddle!
Why was the math book sad on New Year’s? It had too many problems!
What’s a monster’s favorite New Year’s food? Ghoulash!
Why did the banana go to the New Year’s party? It heard there would be splits!
What do you sing to a snowman on New Year’s? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Why don’t eggs tell jokes on New Year’s? They might crack up!
What’s a bunny’s New Year’s resolution? To hop to it!
Why did the clock get in trouble? It tocked too much at midnight!
What do you call a bear with no teeth on New Year’s? A gummy bear!
Why did the student eat his homework on New Year’s? The teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot on New Year’s? A carrot!
Why do fish love New Year’s? Because they can make new schools of friends!

Best New Years Jokes

My New Year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half full. With either rum, vodka, or whiskey!
What happened to the person who stole a calendar on New Year’s? They got twelve months!
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
My resolution was to lose 10 pounds. Only 15 more to go!
What’s the best thing about the end of the year? Getting a fresh start on the same old problems!
New Year’s Day is just a more socially acceptable day to be hungover!
I’m going to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Not because I want to, but to see if anything actually changes!
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? To start the year off fresh!
What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve? Social Security!
My wife’s New Year’s resolution is to get me to lose weight. Looks like we’re both going to fail!
New Year’s is nature’s way of reminding us that procrastination has consequences!
I made a New Year’s resolution to procrastinate more, but I’ll start tomorrow!
What’s a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other!

Bad New Years Jokes

Why was six afraid of seven on New Year’s? Because seven eight nine!
What do you call a tick on the moon on New Year’s? A luna-tick!
I tried to write a joke about New Year’s but it had no date!
Why don’t scientists trust atoms on New Year’s? They make up everything!
What did the zero say to the eight on New Year’s? Nice belt!
I told my friend a joke about New Year’s in an elevator. It worked on so many levels!
Why did the scarecrow win an award on New Year’s? He was outstanding in his field!
What do you call fake spaghetti on New Year’s? An impasta!
I used to be addicted to soap on New Year’s, but I’m clean now!
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom on New Year’s? Because the P is silent!
What did one wall say to the other on New Year’s? Meet you at the corner!
Why did the bicycle fall over on New Year’s? It was two tired!
What’s the best time to go to the dentist on New Year’s? Tooth hurty!

Cheesy New Years Jokes

You’re the reason I smile every New Year. That and the champagne!
What did the cheese say on New Year’s? Have a gouda year!
Let’s brie together this New Year!
New Year’s with you is grate!
I’m so fondue of you this New Year!
You’re looking sharp this New Year, cheddar than ever!
Don’t go bacon my heart this New Year!
This New Year is going to be legend-dairy!
You’re the mac to my cheese this New Year!
Let’s make this year extra sharp!
I camembert to start another year without you!
New Year’s Eve without you would be un-brie-lievable!
Let’s have a wheel good time this New Year!
You feta believe this year will be great!
I’m nacho average New Year’s date!
This year is going to be grate, I can feel it!

Clean New Years Jokes

What does a jeweler do on New Year’s Eve? Watch the ball drop!
Why do New Year’s resolutions fail? They’re too weak to hold up!
What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday this New Year? Forget it once!
How do you know when someone’s keeping their New Year’s resolution? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s? Chill out!
Why was the New Year’s calendar popular? It had lots of dates!
What do you say to your sweetheart on New Year’s? I love you from last year to this year!
Why is it so hard to keep a New Year’s resolution? Because December is 11 months away!
What’s the problem with being a teacher on New Year’s? Too many lessons learned!
How do sheep celebrate New Year’s? They have a baa-sh!
What did Adam say to Eve on New Year’s? It’s a new year, Eve!
Why did everyone like the baker on New Year’s? He always rose to the occasion!
What happened when the clock struck 13 on New Year’s? Time for a new clock!

New Years Jokes For Seniors

At my age, happy hour is a nap!
My New Year’s resolution is to remember what my New Year’s resolution was!
I don’t need a gym membership. I get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions!
My back goes out more than I do on New Year’s!
I’m not old, I’m just retro!
My idea of a wild New Year’s Eve is staying up to see the ball drop on the East Coast!
At my age, getting lucky means finding my car in the parking lot!
I’ve seen so many New Years, they’re starting to repeat themselves!
My resolution is to act my age. But which one?
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure!
The best part about getting older is that I did all my stupid stuff before the internet!
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be!
I’m at the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me!
Why do I need to make New Year’s plans? I can barely remember yesterday!

Dad New Years Jokes

What did the dad say at midnight? Well, that’s it for this year folks!
Dad’s New Year’s resolution is the same every year: 1080p!
I told my kids I’m giving up alcohol for the New Year. The look on their faces was priceless. I meant just January!
My son asked me to stop singing Wonderwall on New Year’s. I said maybe!
What’s a dad’s favorite New Year’s tradition? Pretending to stay awake!
I asked my dad what his New Year’s resolution was. He said to stop answering rhetorical questions!
Why did the dad bring a ladder to New Year’s? To start the year on a higher note!
My dad’s New Year’s joke: I’m only drinking on days that end in Y!
Dad joke alert: New Year’s calories don’t count because you’re still writing last year’s date on everything!
What did the dad calendar say? My days are numbered!
I told my family I’m turning over a new leaf this year. They asked which tree I’m stealing from now!

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the best New Year jokes for parties?

The best New Year jokes for parties are short, clean, and easy to understand, making everyone laugh without effort.

Are New Year jokes appropriate for all ages?

Yes, most New Year jokes are family-friendly and safe for kids, adults, and even office celebrations.

Why do people share jokes on New Year’s Eve?

People share New Year jokes to lighten the mood, break the ice, and start the year with laughter and positivity.

Can I use New Year jokes on social media?

Absolutely! New Year jokes work great as captions, stories, and posts to boost engagement and smiles.

What types of New Year jokes are most popular?

One-liners, dad jokes, resolution jokes, and countdown humor are the most popular New Year jokes.

Are there clean New Year jokes for kids?

Yes, there are plenty of clean and simple New Year jokes that kids can enjoy and understand easily.

How do New Year jokes make celebrations better?

They add fun, reduce stress, and help everyone relax while welcoming the New Year happily.

Can New Year jokes be used in the workplace?

Yes, light and clean New Year jokes are perfect for offices and team gatherings.

Conclusion

Laughter is the perfect way to kick off a brand-new year, and these 250+ New Year jokes make it easy. From funny countdown moments to clever resolutions, there’s a joke for every mood. Share them with friends, family, or coworkers to spread joy and good vibes.

Whether you prefer short one-liners, clean holiday humor, or silly New Year puns, this collection has it all. Start the year on a happy note, enjoy a few laughs, and create memorable moments that everyone will remember.

Jester

Jester has been crafting witty puns and hilarious jokes for over 4 years, sharing laughter through engaging blogs. Now bringing his humor to Pungiggles.com, he continues spreading smiles with clever wordplay, lighthearted fun, and a passion for comedy.